I will take care of you

"I will take care of you."

That's what He said as I was driving, tears in my eyes, to get a PET scan.
To find out of there were any tumors.
Anywhere.
Anywhere in my body.
In the darkness. Hiding.

"I will carry you."

That's what He told me as I was stopped at the light, head bending left, pressed against the window.
Knowing this could be the innocence-of-before moment.
I don't want to do this.
I want to stop the clock, hit reset.
Back to when my biggest worry was what dress to wear, what movie to go to.
I don't want to do this.

I could just keep driving.
Or drive slower.

But is He really here?
Is there a God?

"I am with you always. Even when you don't know."

Fair enough.

It's not about me.
This. This whole drama.
These other cars, that office building, this bridge.

I ask that there be no tumors.
Is that fair?

How about this.
I ask there are no tumors.
But if there are, You are already healing them.
They are teeny-tiny and You are already on the job.

Stay in the positive.
Keep the thoughts positive.
Pink peonies and cascading orchids and gentle breezes.

Okay. Trust. Lean into Him.
Trust.
I am the sheep. He is the shepherd.
Be still, and know that He is God.
Be still.

Turning left, into the valet parking circle.
One step at a time.
One foot in front of the other.
Then repeat..

Here we go.