What is Complaining?

I don't have the cosmic answer, sorry. But before you read further, think about it. What is complaining? Bubble up in your mind a complain you have, currently or past. Where did it come from? Why was it bothering you? Did it last long? Remember your emotions. Remember your atmosphere. How did you handle it? Just think on it, with the benefit of time and distance. 

A sideways drift - Remember Saturday Night Live, the skit on the family called The Whiners? I'm Mrs. Whiner. I don't like you. I don't like me. I'm miserable. These are my kids, they're miserable too.... all said in a nasally obnoxious voice. Yes, that's overboard. But funny, nevertheless.

Complaining is NOT recognizing something that needs fixing, and going about getting it fixed... Just saying..

Okay, I'm reading about Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt, in the wilderness, entering the Promised Land. You talk about a bunch of whiners. God rescues them, there are miracles left and right (plagues in Egypt, Red Sea parting, water from rock, manna from heaven, etc). The leaving Egypt part is in Exodus. Complaining starts there, but really picks up in Numbers. Reading the Old Testament is more action and emotion filled than a modern Romance novel. Try it.

So what causes complaining? Something didn't happen the way you wanted it to. Say I am complaining that I don't have enough time in the day to get through my to-do list. So is it the not happening I am pissed at, or the expectation of my envisioned reality. In this complaint, was the reason for my complaint that I really don't have enough time in my day, or that my to-do list was too long. When I am un-emotional, well rested, sitting here feeling God's grace around me like a soft wrap... I can see my list was too long.

Now, I want to tell you. Long ago I stopped complaining that I was too busy. Years ago. Complaining about busy-ness is, for me, an ego thing. "OH I am so important and have so much I want to accomplish that I, more so than you, have to rush through my days and cram event after event into each hour. I am so proud that I have too much to do, and I want you listener to realize that my busy-ness forgives my rudeness or my not paying attention to the quietness things. Such as emotions in your voice or little tears in your soul. I'm above all that. "

The choice to be too busy is your own choice. And in my mind, we don't have permission to complain about situations I could change any time I want.  Okay, I'll climb down off that soap box.

Another example, one that hits me right between the eyes this week. I have been complaining that I am not back to healthy and energetic yet. It's been nine months since surgeries/chemo/radiation finished. I should be all better now! Three weeks ago, in doc's office for cellulitis in left arm, that led to secondary fungal and bacterial infection in my female parts. I was pissed. Boy did I complain!

I think the outburst of frustration (and I did sob in the OB GYN office, poor them) was emotionally healthy. But then, after a few days of my pity party of one, I needed to stop. It moved from honest outpouring of frustration to wallowing in the mire. Know what I mean?

While I was in the mire, I intellectually knew I was damn lucky to have heard I had a secondary infection instead of another kind of cancer. And also damn lucky the cellulitis responded beautifully to the intense antibiotic. There was just some sort of bridge washed out between my brain and my heart.

Analyzing my complaining attitude, first thing that hits me is I was complaining because my reality wasn't what I had envisioned.

My plan was for me to be back to health by now. Even better than two years ago. Maybe I would become a marathon runner? Okay, maybe a 5K participant? And I would be so wise and spirit-filled that I would never ever be frustrated or sad. I would have a crystal clear connection to God's wisdom and peace, gained from my year of cancer.

Oh yeah. I was envisioning myself as a combination of Mother Teresa and Serena Williams.

Do I need to even tell you, that is SO UNREALISTIC? What was I thinking?

Talking w S about this, there is a fine line between passively accepting the situations of my life, and becoming complacent leading to not moving forward with my life. That's the part about "it is what it is" that really gets some people fired up. Acceptance needs to be balanced with hope for the future. And hope for the future is the very definition of faith.

What I have come to realize, faith is knowing the future is full of sunshine. And faith is also knowing that the present is just as sunny. Sometimes I just can't see the sun at the moment.

The most important question you'll ever ask is whether the Universe is a friendly place.
Albert Einstein 

How are we able to see the sun on our cloudy days. That's where thankfulness comes in.

Cultivate an attitude of thankfulness.You cannot be thankful and grouchy at the same time. Thing about that...

Back to complaining. Lord, may I recognize whenever I complain. To other people out loud or to my self in my thoughts. And when I see that complaining, may I turn to it, recognize it, and cover it with the faith that You are in control of my life.. the entirety of it. Therefore, even though I might not see it at the moment, there is light and peace and energy and love that is fully capable of transforming my complaint into joy. All I have to do is ask you. So I ask you. Turn this sadness in my heart into joy. Help me see with your eyes. Help me fall in love with you all over again today. Right now. Thank you.

Quantity time and Variety time

Seven  of us from book lunch met at Palmano's/ Park Plaza Gardens yesterday - HOW FUN! I wrote an email this morning:

As I was at the ER until 2 AM the night before (Corey now has 8 stitches in his forehead, basketball injury, no big deal), and I came right from my 3 monthly checkup at oncologist to wine, I will tell you seven that it was so wonderful to see you all. I draw so much energy from you all. The conversation was fun. You take me outside myself, allow me to connect with your lives. I thrive on this!

My top ten from the two hours:
1. beach vacation group... what an idea
2. www.shutterfly.com (online photo calendar maker for Christmas)
3. Memoirs of a Geisha, Ziyi Zhang ( no his is not the book for October, I KNOW some of you reading this went -WHAT?!?)
4. mother of the bride dress for next month, no big whoop, she looks GREAT in everything
5. mother of the groom dress for next summer, no big whoop, see #4
6. Fearrington Culinary School, Chapel Hill life
7. bartending school, hired an agent
8. going on tour, cutting an album
9. RV to football games, someone else five football games, and me watching football on tv
10. ordering a half glass of wine?

Funny, this was just mentioned yesterday in one of the daily email missives I receive, by Jim Denison. Community/ relationships / Facebook.  Here's part of it at the end of my email. I mentioned this yesterday at WINE. And of course we went further. I enjoy Facebook and Emails. They are great tools, just like vacuum cleaners are tools. They are social network tools.  They are useful. In my mind, they should not replace face to face interactions. They are great to augment relationships. But without face to face time, we have shallow relationships. J brought up that face to face includes emotions, online doesn't have as much emotion.

Yet another insight as to why Booklunch is so important to me.

See you in October, unless a spark of spontaneity flares between now and then?!?!?

Love ya, sara
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Why is Facebook changing?

Facebook's transforming platform  is a fascinating window into the soul of our culture.  First a disclaimer: natives in the jungles of Borneo know more about social networking than me.  The youngest members of our team do most of the posting and maintenance of our Facebook page.  My interest this morning centers on this question: why is the largest social networking site in the world changing its platform so significantly?

We'll soon see "Timeline,"  a profile that will encourage us to post content predating our time on the social network.  My entire life would appear in chronological order, telling my story to the world.  We'll also be able to add apps that publish content automatically to these timelines.  In this way others will know what we're reading, watching, or listening to.

Here's my question: why would anyone care?  I prefer classical music, while Janet knows every word on the Doobie Brothers' Greatest Hits album.  Does this information advance humanity?  We're fighting in Afghanistan while struggling with global economic challenges --my opinion of Kung Fu Panda 2 seems somewhat irrelevant.

Why are social media such a dominant force in our lives today?  I think it's because we feel so detached and fragmented.  We've never been busier or more stressed.  Mother Teresa called loneliness "the leprosy of the Western world." Anything that makes us feel attached to others will help meet our deep need for community.

 Our need to connect with others is part of our God-given nature.

So, dear reader, I am not anti-Facebook or anti-blog. Or anti-books. There is immense power in time spent with ideas.

I am pro-face time. Which is time spent face to face with someone. It can be at a party, or meeting. But to grow, we all need a balance of nutrition. It also has to include time spent together over a cup of coffee, exercising, or just sitting there quiet looking at the water. Not quality time, but quantity and variety time.

That's what I think.

His timing is perfect.

A friend gave me a book on setting goals. A workbook really, with space for me to set 4 goals, and write down every day for 4 months how I do towards them. Well, I haven't read it carefully yet. I think this is what it is.

You start listing 50 goals, the brainstorming technique. So I have been thinking of goals to try on.

Loose weight. I know that is the one all women seem to want, but I really need to. Gained 35 pounds in last 2 years. It will come off.

Get healthy. This means exercising, building up stamina.

Build community. Maybe this is more a strength of mine, not a goal?

Be still, spending time with God.

Put more fun in each day. Do fun things. Comedy movies, books. Laugh with friends.

Be adventurous. Do new things. Try new things.

Do things I want to do, not that I think I should do. I do not mean shirking responsibility. I mean don't say yes to a social event because I think I should. Do what I want to do.

The heart of these things is being pro-active for my physical and spiritual health. Treating myself as inherently valuable. Just be patient, listen to what works for me. It's a balance. So then I can be of service to others.

I have all sorts of ideas, but I don't know if others will like them? A birthday lunch group of women who celebrate each others' birthdays. An adventure group that does something new each Friday, like bowling, Morse Museum, hike. A traveler's group, that spends a half day a month being a tourist right here in Central Florida. A movie group, meeting at my house Friday afternoon to watch chick flicks. A weekend at an Author's convention. Or a writing weekend somewhere to write our family history in short stories. Weekend yoga retreat? Why not?

I have had to cancel two fun getaways this month because of health. I've been trying.

Need to trust that His timing is perfect. Because it is...

Complaining

Sometimes I see so clearly.
Sometimes it's all foggy.

Well, since I am not in control (He is), there must be some reason for this? Some cause, and maybe some result?

We are doing Josh McDowell's study, Lord Change my Attitude. Excellent study, I just started it.
Right now the Israelites are in the wilderness, griping about bitter water, not enough food, heat, no maps, no soft beds. Now remember, God had sent 10 plagues on the Egyptians, and then He killed the soldiers chasing the Israelites by drowning them in the Red Sea. Wow. That's a show of power and devotion. And then they go and complain? Yes but, what have you done for me lately?

You don't know this, but I got a secondary infection this past week. Am taking mega antibiotics for the left arm cellulitis (which is all gone thank you for asking). Which resulted in a yeast infection, then a bacterial one. So I am in the OB GYN on Wednesday, feeling yechy, knowing this would be handled by anti-fungal plus steroids plus another antibiotic. No big whoop.  But hearing the words, another infection, I burst into tears. Major sobbing.

"I am trying to get healthy. I am doing everything I should. I am exercising and eating healthy. I am resting. I am so sick of being sick. I want to have energy... blah.. blah... blah." Dr. W. said, in a very compassionate voice, " This is just one small step backwards." To which I looked at him, and started sobbing again. He got up, patted my shoulder, told me I'd be okay, and left the exam room. Poor guy...

Now I know in my mind and heart that I was dam lucky to be sitting in that paper gown hearing I have an infection, not cancer of another sort. Dam lucky. And the health issues I have now are so so minor compared to others' side effects. And I am getting better. Be patient.

I was in a pity party of one.

I think it is okay to express these feelings. I think it is necessary to once in awhile. Then once they are out, and the tears are dried, it's forward march.

I am in this grumbling mood when I see foggy all around me. I am afraid of the future. I am uncertain of the path. I am in fear.

When I see clearly, I can't really believe that I was complaining. Or even upset at all. Was that even me? I can't imagine choosing fear. Why? God has so much good to wrap around me, why would I turn to fear?

I don't know the answer to these questions.
I only know that when I am not focused on God, it is easier for me to let fear come in.
He is the light unto my path, a lamp unto my feet.

I am so so thrilled to be back doing a daily study/ devotional book. Keeps me grounded.
I need to choose God every day. It is an every day choice. Not once a week. Every day, every morning.

Choose joy or choose fear.
Hmmmmm, should all my decisions be this easy!

Live your life while you can

These past few weeks we've been to one fantastic festive wedding, and two funerals. Not quite the movie numbers.

Two is too many funerals.

The first was of a thirty one year old boy, friend of our son's in middle school and high school, through sports. Accidental death. No rationalizing, it just happened.

The second was a father of our son's friend, after twelve years of cancer. A release. A relief. But why? I have no reason. We don't know everything. We just don't.

The wedding, both were twenty six years old. Just met four months ago. Delightfully happy. Who would have forecasted this even six months ago?

Words of wisdom I have repeated during several soul-full conversations this past month... told to me from Donna Leo, head nurse at Winter Park Towers Skilled Nursing floor.  She and I were talking about whether I should go to Italy with my family as planned August 3rd, or stay with Dad. She wanted me to go, to trust them to take care of Dad the days I was gone.  She said  she was certain every single one of the nursing home residents would tell me to go, they would love to have the chance. And my Dad would want me to go.

If there is one thing I have learned from working here (nursing home) all these years, it's live your life while you can. 

Isn't that the benefit we receive from attending a funeral?

We attend to honor the deceased.
To express our compassion for those left behind.
Sometimes out of a sense of duty.

But we also receive.
We hear once again the message to our hearts, that life is dear.
Every day is a gift.
So
Live your life while you can....

A Real Hero

Find one that's a little too brown around the edges, or has a slight crack in it. Break off a bite, walk away. mmm

Circle round the kitchen island, break off another piece, into the mouth it goes. mmm

Okay, resist. RESIST... Plop down on sofa, turn on a Law and Order rerun..... Case solved... back in kitchen... ACK here I am again.

So I'm using this blog to resist temptation. Anzac biscuits, ever heard of them? Well I'll just tell you then. They're Australia and New Zealand Army Corps biscuits, from WW II. Made with rolled oats, butter, coconut, flour and Lyle's Golden Syrup. That's the kicker.

A dear friend sent me two jars of her latest find, LGS. I had heard of it, never tasted it. It's one of the lighter treacles. And I just found out today exactly what treacle is. All those Agatha Christie books and I never knew. I still don't quite get what a jumper is, but that will have to wait. Treacle is a syrup gleaning from the sugar production process. I gather molasses would be a dark treacle. Great discovery, eh?

Anyway, my mission this fall is to experiment with caramel recipes on football Saturdays. My way to increase my interest in football Saturdays. So today I'm killing two birds with one stone, as LGS sort of tastes like a caramel. Hey, these are my rules, I can slide them.

So I looked up the recipes, found two I liked. Anzac biscuits and Treacle Cake. Converted all the measurements to American (not British), got all the ingredients for the first one, Anzac's, out on the counter. Love feeling like I'm a TV chef. Made them. Wow are they tasty.

Watched another Law and Order episode. Psychology says we like murder mysteries because the evil gets figured out and squashed by the good. So when our own lives have a spiraling-out-of-control part to them, at least we see some order in chaos. Whatever, I seem to enjoy them these days.

Then watched Giada make Pasta with Lemon and Tomatoes and Ricotta Salata.  Such simple recipe, looks really good. Rotini pasta hot out of the boiling water, toss with the following sitting in an exquisite pasta bowl: eight chopped roma tomatoes, lemon zest and juice from one lemon, salt, pepper and a chunk of ricotta salata crumbled. Of course, the Italian secret of a half cup pasta water added if needed. Looked great. No herbs, which surprised me. I picture fresh basil on everything.

Started on the second, Treacle Cake, but I'm out of butter. AHHH. I was really getting into this, I really am on Food Network. Setting out my ingredients, oven warmed up already. Talking to the camera in my mind. And alas, no butter. No worries mate, quick change in plans. Open the fridge, freezer, pantry doors.. what can I make? A blueberry pie. Only two and a half cup blueberries though. I'll sneak in a minced green apple, might balance the blueberries. Okay, off we go.

So now the pie's in the oven, and I was left alone in the kitchen with thirty-six minus four Anzac biscuits. In other words, need to escape temptation....

As I see it, I have used this blog to help me out for a year and a half now. Which is good, because I can't see anyone else is reading this. I mean, it's been six weeks since my last post. Well, if you do read this, you are an incredibly loyal follower. Thank you.  Or you just found this, so welcome!!!

I have missed writing.

Coming back from Italy, I posted all the photos on Facebook (I admit, traitorious. Mea culpa blogspot).

Then I launched myself into getting fit: walking 3 miles a day, playing tennis, golf. Posting my calories on Livestrong. Set on loosing 35 pounds and getting HEALTHY.

On Sunday 9/11/11 I chopped an onion. Tiny nick on my left thumb. Put a bandage on it, put antibiotic goop on it morning and night.

Wednesday morning I awoke with what I thought was the worst case of the flu. Oh my goodness the achy joints, headache, fever. By Wednesday afternoon fever was 101.8, and I had this weird red patch on my left upper arm. So I thought, I will go the the doctor just to MAKE SURE my arm that tends to get lymphedema isn't infected. It wasn't really swollen, so I thought this was a 50-50 shot. But I had heard all the warnings.

Well cellulitis, welcome to my world. A little bacteria snuck through the thumb nick, found its way into my lymph, my stagnating lymph. It multiplied with abandon, blooming spots all up and down my left arm. Staph or Strep, these bacteria are on our skin, just waiting.

Well go no further little ones. Help is on its way....

It's Saturday afternoon, fever is finally to normal this morning. Antibiotic tipped the tables on the little buggers. I visualized my T cells as White Capital T's with swords, charging in slaying the sickly neon green bacteria cells. The antibiotic was precise sniper rifles, picking them off one by one. They told me to take it easy for five days. I slept, completely slept, through the first two.

I was really really scared Wednesday night. I felt crappy. I had this bacteria that I could almost see growing, making red measles spots and rashes bloom up and down my arm.

Deep breath.
Once again I am healed.
Once again I am pulled back, laid down, stopped in my tracks.
Once again I am reminded how great He is, and how little I am in control.
Really.
And this is a good thing.

I am trying to build back.
I am trying to be conscious of healthy mind, body and soul.
To be optimistic.
Put God first.
Love with an OPEN heart.

A great idea when I am sitting here typing.
A great idea for the first few days.
It's the long run that is tough....

You will help me do this.

Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, 
but try waking up every morning 
           & loving the world all over again. 
That's what takes a real hero. 

Brian Andreas