Packed up the Gifts

Packed up the gifts to mail to the kids homes. Twelve boxes. It seems more than the physical items are going into those boxes. It's as if I am packing up the air and words and laughter surrounding the gifts... taping the box shut and shipping it all off. I don't want to lose those moments.

I take a deep breath. This was a wonderful Christmas. It was ever so different, sharing our older son with his wife's family. None of my parents or Mike's parents are with us any more. Our family unit of five joined together December 27th. Even though the dates and structure weren't perfect, it was perfect. Mike said to me, as I whined about not having the oldest two home on the actual day, "It will be what you make of it." WOW! Frying pan to the side of the head! And darned it all, he was right.

Christmas Eve we three home inserted ourselves into others' Christmas festivities. Invited of course. Kind, kind friends who open up their arms to others. Cocktails, cocktails, dinner, mass. Croissants fresh from the oven, open gifts, bowling, dinner. That was our Christmas, oh, and add smiles, laughter, jokes, hugs, conversation, and singing. It was perfect.

Then we got to do it all over again two days later! How cool is that!

Now it is quiet. My heart misses our kids. But I know they are happy. So my heart sings. They are on solid paths. They are pretty healthy, in good relationships.

And we have made stronger the ties that bind us five. That's what happens when you spend time together. It doesn't need to be short bursts of intense quality time. Just plain time. The gift of being present. Talking about life, talking about the football game. Being present with each other.

So I am okay they are all on their own paths. I want them to live their lives to the fullest. Once in a while all our paths intersect. Then they diverge again. That's what family is all about Charlie Brown. 

Christmas has just finished. Most of our friends are in profound transitions. Kids growing up, leaving the home, getting married, getting jobs. Parents passing from this world to the next. Grandchildren appear. Joints ache. We retire, we downsize, we travel, we grow with the times. What heights and depths of life occurrences we all are experiencing. Yet drawn to the Perfect Light, we have his Peace.

The sermon Sunday was on Luke's nativity story. He talked oodles about Peace.
Peace.

So, what exactly is this peace we want, we wish for others, which came down that very first Christmas?  Remember Luke's words from the angels to the shepherds. Right after,"Don't be afraid" came "Peace to those on whom His favor rests." 

Oxford English Dictionary says peace is 'state of tranquility, freedom from disturbance or war.' Ted went further - peace is the 'abject flourishing of all relationships - with each other, with God, within ourselves.' Had to look up to the ceiling to digest that little nugget.

I really love the thought. Abject flourishing. Relationships. Reflects a lot of our prayer requests for this Christmas. Mine included.

So, fellow travelers, I wish you all the gift of Peace this Christmas!
Peace which passes all understanding.
Peace.
Peace.

Calm my storm

creative visualization from Mark 4:

37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. [I think about whatever is going on in my life.]

38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. [I remember--whoops! God is right here with me--I'm just so focused on the storm, I forgot.]

The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” [All I need to do is call upon him..Apparently I don't even need to be very gracious about it...]

39He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. [Immediately, He will come to my aid. Hush, be still. He controls the storm--I don't need to. The storm is calm, the wind dies, the rain stops..and it is completely calm.]
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If necessary I follow this up with a little bit of "Be Still (that means me!) and Know that I am GOD" (Psalm 46:10)... in fact i love ALL of Psalm 46....  and then Psalm 23.


Also, Handel's Water Music or other soothing classical music.

Beauty

Why is something beautiful? Breath takingly beautiful?

Why do we stop to look at a vista over an impossibly cerulean blue harbor, or a bursting bright fuschia hibiscus, or a serene vignette of chair, table, lamp, art in a hotel hallway, or an art piece peeking out around a corner. Or for that matter, we pause to hear wind chimes, or to watch an elegant woman walk by.

Why do we spend money on something of beauty. And then grant it a hallowed position in our homes or offices?

Or buy the scarf or purse that caught our eye?
Why?

I have a thought.

These tiny iota sized bits of beauty, they bring us for a millisecond a glimpse of perfection of heaven. We all want an eternity of awesome. Being human, we want it now. So we gather glimpses, either physically or mentally. We are hungry for what only God can give us. But that doesn't stop us from trying to gather on our own...

Do nothing.

Retire is what yo do when the Michelins on your car are all flat.

The cessation of going to office every day and having responsibilities 24/7, well, that's called Adventure. Freedom.

Yes I am really on this track now. Such freedom.

Similarily, what did I take away from 7 weeks of Lenten group , and our church's 6 weeks of sermons on Philippians ( Do nothing, Gain everything. Give anything.)?

I am overwhelmingly joyful and thankful at freedom. I am free. I am loved as a child of God. I can live in the moment. I am so so darned lucky! Blessed!

God has shown me up close and personal this past few years, that He will never leave my side. He whispers into my ear He loves me. He delights in me. He wants me to turn towards Him, look to Him. To delight in Him. And not to try to do it on my own....

It takes a lot to NOT try and control my minutes. To trust Him. To put HIM on the throne, and me kneeling at His feet. But remember, He will help me do this! He will never leave me. I am not alone.

How fabulous is life!

Age of adventure

I have poor balance, always have. Didn't like skiing in high school, thought I'd fall the entire way down the mountain. Tripped and sprained ankles three times.

So today was a banner day. We're in Bermuda, I really wanted to experience the freedom of exploring the island. Not quite in a Vespa, but I could doitmn a motorized bike. And we did. Seven hours, to Hamilton, lunch there at Hog Penny Pub. Then to Flatts Village Aquarium, and finally Crystal Caves. Exhausted now, thigh muscles are quivering. BUT I DID IT!

I told Mike last night, I don't look at this as the start of retirement. It is the restorative, celebratory phase. And we will launch into new adventures and projects. God will show us.

Retirement implies hedonism and oldness and coasting and not being of any use to anyone else. Well, thats not us! I want to restore us mind body and spirit, but also see where we can help others. I want to get healthier, more athletic. I want to stretch, grow, try new things. Adventures! This is the age of adventure!

Jacob's piles of stones

Just like the piles of stones for the OT's Jacob marked major occurances in his life, Mike and I wanted to mark his selling his company/ retiring from alternative energy world full time stressful working with our own pile of stones... a fun seven to nine day getaway. I'd been lloking at websites and travel blogs for weeks, couldnt find the perfect place. I wanted the balance of exotic, fun, festive, not too expensive, but luxury. And also, as it was getting hot in Winter Park, I didn't want too hot.

What a lot of pressure. Finding the one perfect place. When planning the wedding three years ago, I managed my stress level by reminding myself "there are many options that will be fabulous, just find one of those many." And with colleges, " there are many that you will like and be the right fit for you, just choose a few and see who chooses you."

Well, I finally listened to my own advice. " There are many resorts that are fabulous, just choose one of the many." Within an hour I pulled the trigger on Bermuda... sweater weather, Mike's never been, great golf, luxury hotel w villas and balcony overlooking Castle Harbor, British like Downton Abbey. Preseason rooms are half price.

Yesterday it was cool when we arrived. I was abit nervous it wasn't elegant / exotic enough. And would Mike's softball finger injury be healed enough for golf. Well, dinner last night was delicious, cards afterwards in bar, spectacular golf w wild roosters today. Yoga in room overlooking harbor. And in a few minutes we try out the motorized bikes. Ah! This is pretty, pretty good!

Where has the time gone?

How has it been so long between entries?

One answer... life is so fun and exciting that I don't have time to write. Which is a bunch of hogwash. A rationalization of missed opportunities! I have thought of writing. But there's a ginormous gap between the intention and the action...

Time in thoughtful meditation and intentional writing feels the soul. Time in physical action of 'getting things done' feeds the body. It's a balance. I want more soul feeding... But it is so fun to be active outside, and with friends!

I woke up mid-March ( a few weeks ago) and noticed that my body didn't ache. Whoa Nelly! And I then realized I hadn't taken a nap in a few weeks. For a year at least, I would ache so much I couldn't fall asleep some nights. I would wake up aching, without even getting out of bed. At some point my kidneys and liver healed enough to take on their constant filtering job in full force again. And my mitochondria were restored enough to produce energy all day long without that mid-afternoon recharge. I still have achiness when I play tennis or walk far two days in amrow.. but hey that's easily overcome! Breathe big sigh of relief... life is good!

Define "Rejoice"

December 28th is five weeks ago. All day long I kept saying to myself, You have to sit down and write. You have to get with some friends to celebrate. You should have planned something out.

Nothing ever got written, no gatherings for lunch or dinner. Nothing planned.

And so that is the way it was supposed to be. Not one big Hoop-lah party. It was a day of remembering the four days of all the family together over Christmas (which was really, really fun) and a day of drinking coffee reading The Daily newspaper on  my IPAD, a day of lunch out, dinner in. Soup for dinner, yoga together afterwards. Seinfeld rerun on television. Reading the new cookbook, putting away some of the Christmas decorations.

It was the most wonderful day if you think about it. Celebrating each moment, celebrating life. It had been exactly one year since the last cancer treatment. All my MRI's, mammograms, etc have come up clear as a whistle. Fantastic! We beat it, all those little cancer cells that thought they were sitting pretty were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Zap, Bam, POW they are outta time, outta here!

I am thankful. And humble. So why not zippy-doo-dah?

First, I am tired. Recovering from the treatment takes awhile. Dad had a tough 5 1/2 months last year, which kind of delayed my recovery. Then I through myself into it, exercised too much, ate too little. Got cellulitis, then the flu, bronchitis, pink eye, shingles. I have learned, listen to my body. So I was tired December 28th, from a wonderful whirlwind of Christmas.

Second, I am so lucky. There are other women, and men, who aren't. Who aren't sitting pretty a year later. There's a part of me that is, everyday, holding a tear in my heart for them.

I rejoice. But it's different than before.

Okay, what is "rejoice" to you? To me it was being so happy you can't stop smiling. Jumping up and down happy. Opening up your arms and spinning around happy. Your mind one hundred percent full of happy. Not a shadow of hesitation.

Well I heard a targeted sermon last Sunday on Joy and Rejoice. Based on Philippians 1 (you guessed that didn't you, the JOY epistle.) His definition of "rejoice" is "when the heart gets the one thing it really really wants."

So what, dear reader, is the one thing you really really want? What is your heart's desire above all else? If you could have one wish from the genie bottle, what would it be?  I challenge you to not read on until you have at least made a stab at answering that question.

For me, it is to know that God loves me so much that He will always be with me, I will never be alone, without Him and his Goodness. Forever, unending, infinity. To be certain of that. Faith is being certain of what you cannot see but which you hope for.

And what is the one thing you can say has happened to me over the past two years? I wanted to be changed. I was. I know the complete one hundred percent joy there is in being still, doing nothing. And Gaining everything. His love and power and mercy and grace. I will never be too far away so He can't reach me. I will never fall too far backwards He can't pick me up. He is in control. What have I to fear?

I hold a tear for those who suffer. Is that compassion? May I be used by God to pour His love and grace into that tear, as He is the ultimate healer.

So your joy, and my joy, will depend on what our heart's desire is. Not the size of house, the sparkle of the diamond, the rank on the team, the cleverness of the jokes. Not in the fitness of the body or the number of friends. It depends on what our true desire is, and how much that desire is filled.

If you talk to God, tell Him you are considering putting Him near the top of the list, He will work with you.

Of that I am certain.