A sideways drift - Remember Saturday Night Live, the skit on the family called The Whiners? I'm Mrs. Whiner. I don't like you. I don't like me. I'm miserable. These are my kids, they're miserable too.... all said in a nasally obnoxious voice. Yes, that's overboard. But funny, nevertheless.
Complaining is NOT recognizing something that needs fixing, and going about getting it fixed... Just saying..
Okay, I'm reading about Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt, in the wilderness, entering the Promised Land. You talk about a bunch of whiners. God rescues them, there are miracles left and right (plagues in Egypt, Red Sea parting, water from rock, manna from heaven, etc). The leaving Egypt part is in Exodus. Complaining starts there, but really picks up in Numbers. Reading the Old Testament is more action and emotion filled than a modern Romance novel. Try it.
So what causes complaining? Something didn't happen the way you wanted it to. Say I am complaining that I don't have enough time in the day to get through my to-do list. So is it the not happening I am pissed at, or the expectation of my envisioned reality. In this complaint, was the reason for my complaint that I really don't have enough time in my day, or that my to-do list was too long. When I am un-emotional, well rested, sitting here feeling God's grace around me like a soft wrap... I can see my list was too long.
Now, I want to tell you. Long ago I stopped complaining that I was too busy. Years ago. Complaining about busy-ness is, for me, an ego thing. "OH I am so important and have so much I want to accomplish that I, more so than you, have to rush through my days and cram event after event into each hour. I am so proud that I have too much to do, and I want you listener to realize that my busy-ness forgives my rudeness or my not paying attention to the quietness things. Such as emotions in your voice or little tears in your soul. I'm above all that. "
The choice to be too busy is your own choice. And in my mind, we don't have permission to complain about situations I could change any time I want. Okay, I'll climb down off that soap box.
Another example, one that hits me right between the eyes this week. I have been complaining that I am not back to healthy and energetic yet. It's been nine months since surgeries/chemo/radiation finished. I should be all better now! Three weeks ago, in doc's office for cellulitis in left arm, that led to secondary fungal and bacterial infection in my female parts. I was pissed. Boy did I complain!
I think the outburst of frustration (and I did sob in the OB GYN office, poor them) was emotionally healthy. But then, after a few days of my pity party of one, I needed to stop. It moved from honest outpouring of frustration to wallowing in the mire. Know what I mean?
While I was in the mire, I intellectually knew I was damn lucky to have heard I had a secondary infection instead of another kind of cancer. And also damn lucky the cellulitis responded beautifully to the intense antibiotic. There was just some sort of bridge washed out between my brain and my heart.
Analyzing my complaining attitude, first thing that hits me is I was complaining because my reality wasn't what I had envisioned.
My plan was for me to be back to health by now. Even better than two years ago. Maybe I would become a marathon runner? Okay, maybe a 5K participant? And I would be so wise and spirit-filled that I would never ever be frustrated or sad. I would have a crystal clear connection to God's wisdom and peace, gained from my year of cancer.
Oh yeah. I was envisioning myself as a combination of Mother Teresa and Serena Williams.
Do I need to even tell you, that is SO UNREALISTIC? What was I thinking?
Talking w S about this, there is a fine line between passively accepting the situations of my life, and becoming complacent leading to not moving forward with my life. That's the part about "it is what it is" that really gets some people fired up. Acceptance needs to be balanced with hope for the future. And hope for the future is the very definition of faith.
What I have come to realize, faith is knowing the future is full of sunshine. And faith is also knowing that the present is just as sunny. Sometimes I just can't see the sun at the moment.
The most important question you'll ever ask is whether the Universe is a friendly place.
Albert Einstein
How are we able to see the sun on our cloudy days. That's where thankfulness comes in.
Cultivate an attitude of thankfulness.You cannot be thankful and grouchy at the same time. Thing about that...
Back to complaining. Lord, may I recognize whenever I complain. To other people out loud or to my self in my thoughts. And when I see that complaining, may I turn to it, recognize it, and cover it with the faith that You are in control of my life.. the entirety of it. Therefore, even though I might not see it at the moment, there is light and peace and energy and love that is fully capable of transforming my complaint into joy. All I have to do is ask you. So I ask you. Turn this sadness in my heart into joy. Help me see with your eyes. Help me fall in love with you all over again today. Right now. Thank you.
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