Sometimes I see so clearly.
Sometimes it's all foggy.
Well, since I am not in control (He is), there must be some reason for this? Some cause, and maybe some result?
We are doing Josh McDowell's study, Lord Change my Attitude. Excellent study, I just started it.
Right now the Israelites are in the wilderness, griping about bitter water, not enough food, heat, no maps, no soft beds. Now remember, God had sent 10 plagues on the Egyptians, and then He killed the soldiers chasing the Israelites by drowning them in the Red Sea. Wow. That's a show of power and devotion. And then they go and complain? Yes but, what have you done for me lately?
You don't know this, but I got a secondary infection this past week. Am taking mega antibiotics for the left arm cellulitis (which is all gone thank you for asking). Which resulted in a yeast infection, then a bacterial one. So I am in the OB GYN on Wednesday, feeling yechy, knowing this would be handled by anti-fungal plus steroids plus another antibiotic. No big whoop. But hearing the words, another infection, I burst into tears. Major sobbing.
"I am trying to get healthy. I am doing everything I should. I am exercising and eating healthy. I am resting. I am so sick of being sick. I want to have energy... blah.. blah... blah." Dr. W. said, in a very compassionate voice, " This is just one small step backwards." To which I looked at him, and started sobbing again. He got up, patted my shoulder, told me I'd be okay, and left the exam room. Poor guy...
Now I know in my mind and heart that I was dam lucky to be sitting in that paper gown hearing I have an infection, not cancer of another sort. Dam lucky. And the health issues I have now are so so minor compared to others' side effects. And I am getting better. Be patient.
I was in a pity party of one.
I think it is okay to express these feelings. I think it is necessary to once in awhile. Then once they are out, and the tears are dried, it's forward march.
I am in this grumbling mood when I see foggy all around me. I am afraid of the future. I am uncertain of the path. I am in fear.
When I see clearly, I can't really believe that I was complaining. Or even upset at all. Was that even me? I can't imagine choosing fear. Why? God has so much good to wrap around me, why would I turn to fear?
I don't know the answer to these questions.
I only know that when I am not focused on God, it is easier for me to let fear come in.
He is the light unto my path, a lamp unto my feet.
I am so so thrilled to be back doing a daily study/ devotional book. Keeps me grounded.
I need to choose God every day. It is an every day choice. Not once a week. Every day, every morning.
Choose joy or choose fear.
Hmmmmm, should all my decisions be this easy!
Sometimes it's all foggy.
Well, since I am not in control (He is), there must be some reason for this? Some cause, and maybe some result?
We are doing Josh McDowell's study, Lord Change my Attitude. Excellent study, I just started it.
Right now the Israelites are in the wilderness, griping about bitter water, not enough food, heat, no maps, no soft beds. Now remember, God had sent 10 plagues on the Egyptians, and then He killed the soldiers chasing the Israelites by drowning them in the Red Sea. Wow. That's a show of power and devotion. And then they go and complain? Yes but, what have you done for me lately?
You don't know this, but I got a secondary infection this past week. Am taking mega antibiotics for the left arm cellulitis (which is all gone thank you for asking). Which resulted in a yeast infection, then a bacterial one. So I am in the OB GYN on Wednesday, feeling yechy, knowing this would be handled by anti-fungal plus steroids plus another antibiotic. No big whoop. But hearing the words, another infection, I burst into tears. Major sobbing.
"I am trying to get healthy. I am doing everything I should. I am exercising and eating healthy. I am resting. I am so sick of being sick. I want to have energy... blah.. blah... blah." Dr. W. said, in a very compassionate voice, " This is just one small step backwards." To which I looked at him, and started sobbing again. He got up, patted my shoulder, told me I'd be okay, and left the exam room. Poor guy...
Now I know in my mind and heart that I was dam lucky to be sitting in that paper gown hearing I have an infection, not cancer of another sort. Dam lucky. And the health issues I have now are so so minor compared to others' side effects. And I am getting better. Be patient.
I was in a pity party of one.
I think it is okay to express these feelings. I think it is necessary to once in awhile. Then once they are out, and the tears are dried, it's forward march.
I am in this grumbling mood when I see foggy all around me. I am afraid of the future. I am uncertain of the path. I am in fear.
When I see clearly, I can't really believe that I was complaining. Or even upset at all. Was that even me? I can't imagine choosing fear. Why? God has so much good to wrap around me, why would I turn to fear?
I don't know the answer to these questions.
I only know that when I am not focused on God, it is easier for me to let fear come in.
He is the light unto my path, a lamp unto my feet.
I am so so thrilled to be back doing a daily study/ devotional book. Keeps me grounded.
I need to choose God every day. It is an every day choice. Not once a week. Every day, every morning.
Choose joy or choose fear.
Hmmmmm, should all my decisions be this easy!
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